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June 6, 2011
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The Oxford English Dictionary (hereon "OED", for simplicity’s sake) offers several alternative definitions for the term pride. Almost none of them are positive. For present purposes, let’s skip the more obscure leonine variant—and in fact, a "pride of lions" may actually have its etymological roots in the symbolic representation of this animal during the Middle Ages for the biblical sin—and instead turn our attention to the rather slippery semantic aspects, since there’s a lot encapsulated by this peculiarly bipolar word. I’m inspired to engage in this linguistic activity because the annual "Pride Week" for us gays and lesbians is soon at hand, and I’m particularly interested in knowing what it is, exactly, that I’m supposed to be proud of.
In the following two OED definitions, for example, pride is portrayed as being inherently antisocial, a very, very bad thing:
pride n. A high, esp. an excessively high, opinion of one’s own worth or importance which gives rise to a feeling or attitude of superiority over others; inordinate self-esteem.
pride , n. Arrogant, haughty, or overbearing behaviour, demeanour, or treatment of others, esp. as exhibiting an inordinately high opinion of oneself.
These definitions clearly sit astride religious notions of pride being one of the Seven Deadly Sins . To many Christians, pride is the worst sin of all because placing oneself above others conflicts with spiritual egalitarianism. From a scientific perspective, at least, we can safely dismiss the God-hewn conjectures of pride being essentially evil, since there is no evil in essence, and there almost certainly is no God . Now, if embracing "gay pride" were done simply for the slap-in-the-face-to-religion effect, I’d be all for it. Yet unfortunately—and to my continued bewilderment—there are many gay people who are religious, so this account doesn’t seem to hold much water. And of course, atheists, too, tend to dislike those with "an inordinately high opinion" of themselves.
In fact, a team of University of British Columbia psychologists led by Jessica Tracy would note that the foregoing definitions of pride are actually referring to a particularly ancient, evolutionarily derived subtype, which they refer to as hubristic pride. Tracy and her colleagues have argued that hubristic pride evolved to promote and sustain dominance, with the emotional engines of conceit and arrogance motivating individuals to scale the social hierarchy, which translates to genetic fitness. Laboratory participants induced to feel hubristic pride display increased aggression, hostility, and manipulation—all tactics of a tooth-and-nail pathway to social dominance that is based primarily on fear rather than respect. It’s not terribly surprising, in this light, that individuals who are more prone to exhibiting hubristic pride tend also to be more disagreeable, neurotic, narcissistic, are less conscientious and have a history of poor relationships and mental health problems.
So when it comes to the expression "gay pride," hubristic pride doesn’t seem to be implied. I’ve no doubt that some gays and lesbians probably do believe, for some odd postmodernist reason or another, that they are inherently superior to straights. But gay or straight, anyone who actually believes that social status can be calculated on the basis of what their genitals unconsciously respond to should be dismissed just as swiftly as those who believe that God has a sore spot for pride. In any event, for the most part, hubristic pride appears to be the emotional antithesis of the feelings meant to inspire gay individuals during Pride Week. After all, these are people that have been "culturally victimized" by an overwhelmingly oppressive heterosexist society, one that has systematically devalued and derided them as deviants for as long as they can remember. Developing in such a society is emotionally crippling and poisonous to one’s self-esteem; it’s not exactly a recipe for creating hubris and an inflated ego.
I wonder, then, if perhaps there’s another OED definition that better reflects the true spirit of "gay pride." Perhaps one of these, for example:
pride , n. The feeling of satisfaction, pleasure, or elation derived from some action, ability, possession, etc., which one believes does one credit. Chiefly in to take (a) pride in.
pride , n. A person of whom, or thing of which, any person or group of people is proud; that which causes a feeling of pride in its possessor; (hence) the foremost, best, or most distinguished of a class, country, etc. In pride and joy: a cherished person or thing.
Interestingly, these alternative definitions map onto another evolutionarily derived subtype of pride as identified by Tracy, one that she refers to as authentic pride. Unlike hubristic pride, which is associated with conceit and arrogance, authentic pride is fueled by feelings of confidence, accomplishment and success. It’s basically the "good type" of pride and is correlated positively with socially desirable personality dimensions, such as extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, and high self-esteem. While hubristic pride motivates biologically adaptive, but often socially discouraged, tactics of aggressive self-promoting in achieving dominance, and this may work particularly well for those who would otherwise be seen as replaceable, authentic pride offers a gentler, friendlier route to this very same social success. In an article last year in Evolution and Human Behavior, psychologist Joey Cheng, along with Tracy and Joseph Henrich, speculated about the adaptive function of authentic pride. As opposed to the dominance-scaling purpose of hubristic pride:
…the subjective feelings of confidence and accomplishment that occur in authentic pride experiences may provide the mental preparedness for attaining prestige; these feelings may also serve as a psychological reinforcement for socially valued achievements, given that authentic pride arises from accomplishments attributed to unstable, controllable behaviors, such as effort and hard work. [Italics added.]
I’ve called out the final section of this description in italics because—at least according to these authors—such prestige-based, authentic pride emotions are the product of doing rather than simply being . In other words, a useful way to understand the difference between these two subtypes of pride, as reflected in both the dictionary definitions and the evolutionary psychologists’ classifications, is that the first type is undeserving (that someone feels better than others "just because," a belief in essential entitlement) and the second type is deserving (that someone feels valued by others because they have done something that merits the positive attention of society).
Now, as far as I know, I haven’t done anything—at least deliberately so—to render my brain attracted to penises instead of vaginas. So "gay pride" under the guise of authentic pride seems just as problematic to me as it does for hubristic pride. We can’t have it both ways. Either we elect to see ourselves as being "born this way" and not of our own making, which would limit our sense of pride to the hubristic subtype ("I’m better than you because I’m gay"), or we must submit to the intellectually impaired among us and contend that we’ve chosen this “lifestyle” for some commendable reason. Otherwise, pride for either being (hubristic pride) or doing (authentic pride) runs into major conceptual problems when it comes to our sexual orientations. I’m no more proud of being gay than I am of being Caucasian, of having type I diabetes, of being 5’7"—okay, in heels—or of having abnormally stocky hands for a man my size. Like being gay, these are simply the unassailable, biologically-based facts about me, and what is, is. I had nothing to do with these things, and I’m not proud of any of them. But, and here’s the real kicker, so listen up, the absence of pride is not shame.
There is, alas, at least one OED definition that perhaps reflects the intended usage of the expression "gay pride" and that seems to resonate with its connotations. It’s this:
pride , n A consciousness of what befits, is due to, or is worthy of oneself or one’s position; self-respect; self-esteem, esp. of a legitimate or healthy kind or degree.
This type of pride is implied when, say, a sick old man refuses to use the bedpan because he’s "too proud," or when we’re forced to "swallow our pride" by apologizing to someone who doesn’t deserve it. In other words, without involving any self-aggrandizing or demanding any particular accomplishment, this feeling occurs when we have an accurate sense of our value in society and our self-esteem matches that estimation.
I can almost get on board with this variation of the term when it’s applied to "gay pride"—I know my gay history, Pride Week’s connections to the Stonewall Riots of June, 1969, I know my value as a human being, and I’ve also had a generous slice of antigay bigotry directed at me—right at my forehead, in fact. Not long ago, for example, some teenagers in a Belfast park threw hotdogs at my partner and me while screaming about "faggots!" and "bathhouses!" I couldn’t quite make it all out through the thick Northern Irish brogue, and my comprehension was probably disrupted by my fear arousal response, but it didn’t sound friendly. (I must say, though, the hotdogs added a rather romantic symbolism to the trauma.) I suppose the only problem that I have with this form of "gay pride"—and it’s substantially less of a concern than the other two forms, I should add—is it rests on the assumption of a largely mythical, collective gay identity. In my everyday life, and unless you bring it up, being gay is about as salient to my self-concept as is my having brown hair or driving a Honda; I don’t feel—wait for the gasps—a particular affinity with other gay people just because they’re gay. I might want to have sex with other gay men, sure. We’ve got that much in common. But anything else, well, there just simply aren’t any shared psychological traits that bring us together in some intrinsic brotherhood.
On the one hand, I understand the need for forging supportive alliances with other gays and lesbians, for exerting change through collaborative, organized effort and by sheer strength in numbers. Such efforts have, in fact, resulted in significant, positive change, and that’s really the only way to get things done in a sociopolitical sense. On the other hand, however, it is so patently obvious that LGBT—for God’s sake, I really do hope that someday that acronym will go away, it conjures up a BLT sandwich in my head every time I use it—anyway, it’s so patently obvious that prejudice on the basis of people’s uncontrollable patterns of genital arousal, just like any other uncontrollable biological verity, such as the color of one’s skin, is a human rights issue. Our very need to even have "gay pride," to celebrate "Pride Week" through main street parades festooned with drag queens, leather daddies, and dykes on bikes, is such a pathetic reflection of what we think we should and shouldn’t be proud of as human beings that I’m afraid I just can’t muster up the requisite "gay pride" to feel this way.
Still, I’ll be on the sidelines watching the floats and all the pretty boys go by, marveling and salivating at the lurid excesses that invigorate the very same stereotypes that we spend the rest of the year fighting against.
Image: David Goehring on Flickr.
About The Author: Want more Bering in Mind? Follow Jesse on Twitter @JesseBering, visit www.jessebering.com, or friend Jesse on Facebook. Jesse is the author of newly released book, The Belief Instinct: The Psychology of Souls, Destiny and the Meaning of Life (W. W. Norton).
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First off, I wanted to say that I have been completely enthralled with your novel about humanity’s psychological necessity for a supreme being. Its very difficult to find such an intelligent piece on the cognitive creation of a benign being that supersedes in almost all the areas of being that we are consciously aware of. It has helped me immensely in writing a novel that involves all my spiritual questions that have been left undisturbed until I recently left Christianity and become an agnostic instead.
Relating back to this article, I’ve never been very expressive when it comes to behaving stereotypical gay. I tend to find my gay identity to be as you described it: one small biological detail within the large scope of ourselves. To me, my identity manifests itself in my questions and intellectual inclinations. It never surfaces within something that uncontrollably arouses me. For me, the gender of the person is almost unidentifiable within the wild tempest of amorous feelings that are set off by particular people. Society offered me some label to help describe what they view as a foible and something that greatly differs from the majority.
As we learn more about ourselves and other examples of biological life, we’ll hopefully transcend this attachment to sexual orientation being something the encompasses our entire identity and sometimes even smothers it. Once our society becomes more comfortable, we will evolve past sexual orientation that divides us from other members of our gender. Instead, it will merely become another unique detail that attests to the diversity of life upon this glorious Earth.
Thank you for writing this very intelligent piece on the issue of sexual orientation! More articles like this are needed.
Link to this*Revised version of the above comment. Sorry for double posting!! I cannot tolerate some of the omissions and grammatical errors in the above post*
First off, I wanted to say that I have been completely enthralled with your novel about humanity’s psychological necessity for a supreme being. Its very difficult to find such an intelligent piece on the cognitive creation of a benign being that supersedes us in almost all the areas of being that we are consciously aware of. It has helped me immensely in writing a novel that involves all my spiritual questions that have been left undisturbed until I recently left Christianity and become an agnostic instead.
Relating back to this article, I’ve never been very expressive when it comes to behaving stereotypically gay. I tend to find my gay identity to be as you described it: one small biological detail within the large scope of ourselves. To me, my identity manifests itself in my questions and intellectual inclinations. It never surfaces within something that uncontrollably arouses me. For me, the gender of the person is almost unidentifiable within the wild tempest of amorous feelings that are set off by particular people. Society offered me some label to help describe what they view as a foible and something that greatly differs from the majority.
As we learn more about ourselves and other examples of biological life, we’ll hopefully transcend this attachment to sexual orientation being something that encompasses our entire identity and sometimes even smothers it. Once our society becomes more comfortable, we will evolve past sexual orientation that divides us from other members of our gender. Instead, it will merely become another unique detail that attests to the diversity of life upon this glorious Earth.
Thank you for writing this very intelligent piece on the issue of sexual orientation! More articles like this are needed.
Link to thisThe expression "gay pride" has long bothered me for the same reasons you enumerate. Thanks so much for raising the issue. Now the challenge is to find an alternative term. Gay solidarity? Gay celebration? Gay recognition? I’m open to suggestions.
Link to thisI am quite surprised that you have a partner considering that you seem to think that being gay is only about what you do with your genitals. I think that how it effects us psychologically is what brings us together as a group in the LGBT community. I have formed some very close bonds with other gay men and Lesbians that have rarely had with straight people but I still have many straight friends. Shared experience is important as is recognizing differences, especially when you can see what makes you different from the society at large, embrace that and see it reflected in others. Your over analysis smacks of a bit of self loathing in my opinion, and a refusal to see the commonality of the Gay experience that yes sometimes expresses itself in some stereotypical behavior, but also leads to a sense of community.
Link to thisI remember hearing a rabbi talk about how you should not be proud that you are Jewish, because Jewish is part of who you are, it is not something that you’ve done, not an accomplishment. It’s like being proud that you have a nose or skin or lungs.
Link to thisAn excellent article. Thank you for your candor. I would add that, while I myself am not homosexual, I live and work in the world of arts and artists and recognize the drive for gay identity but see even the word ‘gay’ and the idea of one being or not being one sexual model or the next to be unreal abstracts that we cling to much as we do a religious belief and act as if they matter, and that ultimately fails to accurately describe who we are as individuals, and lead us to bizarre conclusions and worse outcomes and unhappiness. Fortunately modern science in neurobiology is emerging and we’re beginning to see the foundation of our own intelligences and behaviors, which ultimately it seems sexual preferrences will be seen to be. Thanks again. Cheers.
Link to this"Gay pride" doesn’t carry the baggage you think it does, and that’s where you get confused. You acknowledge that "gay pride" is the consciousness of people who don’t fit into sexual/gender norms that they deserve the same treatment as normal people. But then you say the claim that this feeling is good "rests on the assumption of a largely mythical, collective gay identity." You’re right that there’s no "collective gay identity," but even so, it’s still true that it’s good to feel that one is due equal respect despite being LGBT. There’s simply no logical connection between the idea that "gay pride is good" and the idea that there’s a "collective gay identity."
Link to thisAs an addendum to my last comment: It might still make sense to say that having a parade of muscle boys on Bacardi floats, etc., is a dumb way of celebrating gay pride. It reinforces stereotypes, so it’s problematic activism. It doesn’t reflect who we really are, so it’s problematic as a celebration of who we really are. But in that case you have a problem with the aesthetics of the parade. You don’t have a problem with the idea of gay pride and the claim that it’s a good thing. (Just to be clear, I think the aesthetics of gay prides parades are a good thing, despite its flaws: it’s the only culturally-recognizable way of being *visably* LGBT in the established "ethic city parade" format that we’ve been able to devise so far.)
Link to thisIt’s a pleasure to read such an articulate expression of a self-aware person and may help explain why I have always been somewhat envious of gay friends. Maybe it is acceptable that I am proud of those friends for being many of the most intelligent, talented, and creative people I have ever known. Is it inherently wrong or in poor taste to be proud of someone else? Maybe I can take responsibility for some guilt associated with being part of a remarkable group of human beings. I have tried to imagine a world devoid of the contributions of any gifted people, but the prospect of such a dreary, joyless, impoverished environment is one I am glad to not live in.
A young man whom I hired as a college intern, asked to have lunch with me one day. With some obvious trepidation, Glen said he wanted me to know he was gay. I did not wish to diminish the privilege of his declaration, but I tried to delicately explain that his orientation was no more a mystery to me, than his brown hair color and mattered even less. It is a pity that such a fine young man would have to be concerned that somone would object to his unchosen sexual preference, much less view him as somehow less valid or less deserving of respect. Later, Glen and his partner invited me to their home and allowed me to share some of their holiday celebrations. I always wondered if they and other LGBT friends knew how ashamed and saddened I was by slights at the hands of so-called "straights." Surely that description deserves as much careful dissection and reflection as "pride."
I too find it difficult to accept mythologies that seem born as much from ignorance and blind fear, as from any sort of noble devout faith. Religion seems to be the province of the cowardly, as much as those of an informed electorate. It is ironic and hypocritical in the extreme that insurance for the fearful, has so often been paid for with the blood of the innocent and weak. Personally, courage to face the unknown seems a better option than trust in someone else’s poorly woven propaganda. Maybe we could even find the strength to not be threatened by someone’s differences and instead celebrate the enrichment of our world.
Link to thisIn an ideal world, you are right. Just as I don’t have to announce or brand myself straight, being gay shouldn’t be a marker for something separate and different.
Link to thisBut that is not the reality of the world. Being gay is marked as different by society. And as you have noted, for centuries it was not marked as a positive difference. Society marked the group as separate. Survival necessitated that gay people hide and I think it is quite natural that they formed a small culture.
I think one of the most inspiring things to watch is the evolution of gay rights. And that evolution came on the back forced public awareness. The society was forced to become aware because of "gay pride".
Its a phrase that forms an understood identity. Gay Pride took what was perceived as negative and threw it up as a positive. And to the credit of the group, they don’t water it down. They want to be accepted and dammit, they plan to flaunt the very things that people fear the most and make them realize – its not awful, its not going to kill you, its not going to hurt you.
Gay Pride is just a term, but its attached to a movement that has done a huge amount to move gay rights into people’s minds.
As you say, being gay has very little to do with gay pride parades. But Gay Pride parades have everything to do with why someday people won’t throw hot dogs at two men who walk down the street as a couple.
Someday Gay Pride will be obsolete. But we aren’t there yet.
I wonder how people would feel applying the same "pride" adjective to heterosexual? How about we just acknowledge the differences and move on?
Link to thisThat was beautiful. I don’t believe that I have seen so many well formed, elegant responses to an article in one place.
Link to thisI tend towards the idea that ‘pride’ in the context of gay pride, is opposing the idea of shame. While no one chooses to be gay, the choice to be openly gay requires many attributes that a person can legitimately be proud of (bravery,authenticity). As for the exact dictionary definitions of the word ‘pride’, I believe that language is a living breathing thing, and that context can alter a words meaning.
Link to thisPlease alert me to when the author extends his misplaced aversion to the word "pride" to "Black Pride" as well as "Gay Pride". Our "pride" is shown, not for ourselves, but for the thousands of teens and adults who still buy into the Abrahamic prejudices and think of themselves as inferior merely because of their same-sex attraction.
Link to thisI have for years been wondering about the Gay Pride Parades, but not for semantic reasons.
As a Dane, living in Denmark, I can’t claim that there is no discrimination of gays (we have our share of the global moronic plague), but most gays are open about their sexual orientation.
The gay and lesbian people I know come in 3 groups, a minority that are not open, a majority that are, and a small group of agressively open people, who introduce themselves "I’m Jack, I’m gay".
I feel inclined to say to the last group, "I couldn’t care less about your sexual preferences", but usually try to turn the conversation to something more mutually interesting, most often to no avail.
What surprises me about gay pride, gay olympics etc. is that it seems to me the gays and lesbians want to be both mainstream and at the same time special (have your cake and eat it too), while I see them as people, some like their own sex, some the other, some both, some animals, but sexual orientation is not the only defining characteristic of a person, and is only of interest to others, if they want sex.
I can understand paraolympics, they have a handicap, I don’t think gays do!
Link to thisI think you’ve missed the point. When I was a kid, no one talked about gay or even much about homo, queer etc except abusively (this being a tad undermining of any form of pride). Men went to jail, were blackmailed, attacked – and a little earlier in civilised history, executed. (Hallo Uganda.) It took a lot of courage for people to be clear to their families, employers, friends etc about who they were – sometimes losing all 3 – so maybe the term ‘pride’ is about having stood up to tyranny. That’s what it was. And is.
Er, re God, the self-professed fundies will always tell you what God is thinking – and He’d better obey them. I think agnostic (not knowing) is a cool position. Say what you will, folk don’t take to the idea that we don’t have free will too kindly (something to do with ‘pride’ perhaps.)
Now think about it, the minute some cove ‘proves’ there is a God, free will just disappears out the window. If the whole idea is that we simply have to make the right choices (like not hanging a 16 year boy from the back of lorries from cranes in front of large crowds because of allegedly being in love with a 15 year old boy) then God can’t be found otherwise we don’t make the choices, He does.
So does He exist (hey no hang-ups about gender, It, She, Them, Whatevers)? Well, my guess is we won’t find out either because He isn’t there at all at all or, Grand Design and all that, He’s put himself beyond discovery for reasons above. Would we be on our own? Depends how you view it. How about the "still small voice" or am I merely talking to myself delusionally? Are you? I do find some "inner conversations" rather spooky I have to say but, hey, the boy’s a whacko.
Double slits, particle-like through one, wave-like through both? Goodbye Copenhagen? What can it mean? What can it NOT mean?
Loving another man, does it help that such people want to be able, after centuries of being the scum, the sniggered whisper, the anguished and guilty kid, the suicide, to know that at last, despite the ‘tough love’ fundies want to impose on them (again), they can be who they really are? Isn’t that a reason for genuine pride?
Oh, why is it, I do wonder, that none of them fundies ever mentions the following? Jesus said of divorce, it’s not allowed in God’s law but Moses instituted it because of "the hardness of men’s hearts" Just after saying that, he goes onto say that marriage (er men and men-esses in them days) is not for everyone and gives as an example eunuchs, but 3 types. Eunuch Pride?
Link to thisI think the article parses the everyday meanings of "pride" too finely.
Tangentially… After 20 years together, my husband and I (both male) don’t go to Gay Pride activities very often. But we’re both politically active and we both believe strongly in Gay Pride.
Back to whether or not we should be "proud"… Having pride" is shorthand for *actively* cultivating a positive self-image. This works to counteract the myriad ways we’re taught we’re not worthy: not worthy of happiness, not worthy of employment, not worthy of security from violence, not worthy to marry, not worthy to adopt children… in some extreme cases, not worthy to continue living.
The "pride" model works better than other stand-ins for positive self-image — "worth" or "dignity" — partly because it sounds stronger. It *feels* stronger. It’s more of a "single-positive" idea, rather than a "double-negative". "Dignity" sounds more like we’re trying to compensate for a deficit or dig ourselves out of a hole — which, granted, we are. But that doesn’t make it a healthier or stronger idea to rally around.
By "taking pride", we are holding up an aspect of ourselves — something which we have been told makes us shameful — and reclaiming it as part of who we are. Reclaiming it for good.
Link to thisCorrection: I like the article very much for explaining what Gay Pride is NOT. It is not hubristic pride or pride of accomplishment. When we explore the subtleties of words like "hatred" and "pride", we can understand these ideas better and improve our use of these often-misunderstood words.
Link to thisThe implication of these "pride" celebrations is that "straight pride" week doesn’t exist because there’s nothing for straight people to feel proud about (or perhaps as in those who were born somehow think their renouncing procreation is something to feel proud of).
Where is "celibacy pride week" for those who are celebate (i.e. Catholic priests? Neverminde, bad example). Or "athlete’s pride week" for those athletic. Or "fat pride week" for those who are fat. Or "Congressman’s Pride Week" for congressmen. You get the picture. Since there are only 52 weeks in the year, combining pride weeks may be required one of these days. We could consolidate into one "human pride week" for those proud to be human and everybody could march… even granny could get out there with nothing more than a brazzier and panties shouting "go grannies of America!!!" followed by a band of marching pregnant women, followed by the requisite band of drag queens… maybe even a brigade of nuns from a local convent, on Human Pride Week.
Link to thisEyesWideOpen: No, the idea is really an attempt to counteract a history of shameful treatment and second-class citizenship. You don’t need a ‘pride’ week for groups which already predominate, or which are well already well protected (such as — in the US — most religious minorities).
It’s important to probe down to how these words are really being used. It’s not the naive, everyday meaning of the words.
Link to thisAmanzed: Then shouldn’t the celebration be more circumspect and targeted to the world at large whom historically created "a history of shameful treatment and second-class citizenship" for the gay population of the world, to show them gays are equal stakeholders on this planet? Why all the pomp and circumstance? Has it not justified prejudice amongst those who are the most bigoted, when exemplary conduct as citizens of this great land will diffuse tensions?
Link to this"I know my gay history"
That’s certainly not apparent from your comments.
The first parades had words like "liberation" and "freedom" in their names. The term "pride" was used as a generic term about the various different marches in different cities mostly because it contrasted so starkly with how Americans usually saw gay people, i.e. hiding their faces in shame when being arrested or called out. If you personally managed to get through your childhood and young adulthood without ever feeling shame, well, great for you! It was hardly the experience of those around you and those who came before.
Later, words like "liberation" faded as the country moved to the right. Americans don’t like movement that imply something is wrong with America. So, the generic "pride" became "Pride". You gotta admit, in this market-driven country, that’s a pretty good moniker.
As for me, I’m not proud to be gay. I’m proud to be OPENLY gay.
Link to thisEyesWideOpen: Excellent questions. I would assert that we can be equal (albeit minority) stakeholders without conforming exactly to your cultural model. It’s true that some Gay Pride participants practice bad PR. A couple replies:
1. PR folks aren’t in charge. We are not a monolithic community. Much of the public display is for each other, and the goal isn’t merely to persuade the majority culture that we are exactly like them.
2. Gay Pride is also to assert that, like religious or ethnic minorities, we have a right to many different public identities and a right to self-expression… that racy or transgressive self-presentation in one’s private life is not by itself grounds to deprive LGBT folks of housing, employment, marriage, adoption, or other fundamental civic rights.
Extravagant presentation *does* serve a purpose. It challenges the viewer to see the humanity and warmth of the person under the costume. Granted that for some viewers, the reverse occurs.
But poor treatment of LGBT folks did not arise because they sometimes wore outlandish outfits on weekends. It arose because their deepest, most authentic drives — towards love, sex, self-identity, and self-expression — came into conflict with prevailing ideas about acceptable maleness and femaleness.
Link to thisI can’t recall celibacy being illegal, liable to lose you your job, or be sentenced to hard labour, or reviled etc etc. You make a choice to be celibate. You don’t to be gay. And I don’t recall either being a granny being unlawful. A surprise sometimes maybe. Something of which to be proud? Yeah, like being a grand-dad as in my case. Let’s return to the issue …. being gay subjected one automatically to being persecuted, to tyrannical laws which not only oppressed a minority but whose existence stained the whole of society and degraded its civic fabric. And in case we haven’t all noticed, the struggle (and it is) is still with us.
Link to thisI think, Jesse, that you ought to feel proud of the personal struggle that brought you to the point of being able to publish this article.
Link to thisNot being proud because you’re Jewish? Yes, fine, if you say that suffering prejudice and racism is an inevitable consequence of being Jewish. It’s not about being Jewish, gay etc, it’s about resisting tyranny and prejudice and having the courage to do so. If you are Jewish and you accept that it’s ok to be gassed, tortured, starved, spat on, ethnically cleansed, pogrommed, murdered, robbed etc, then I am not sure what the story of the Bible is all about. Whatever else it is claimed to be, that book (those books) are the story of a people’s pride in being who they are. The label’s different, the issues are the same – identity and freedom to be that. Yellow Star, Pink Triangle. Those are not just badges, they are indicative of mind-set of those who hate and fear. Being proud enough to resist that is not about marching, ‘gay’ attire et al, it’s about courage in the face of attacks. Or has ‘gay bashing’ suddenly disappeared, have the fundies stopped proclaiming God hates gays or wants to love them into heterosexuality, is the word ‘gay’ now not used as a school playground term of abuse ….
Link to thisWe are so often told that we should be "ashamed of being gay". I believe we cling to "gay pride" because it is the OPPOSITE of being ashamed. -Craig Braquet
Link to thisThe author does address this in the article, though: "But here’s the real kicker, so listen up, the absence of pride is not shame."
Link to this"Someday Gay Pride will be obsolete."
Temporarily maybe but never permanently. No gay institution has outlasted a single society that has at one time or another embraced homosexuality as an equal way of life. Yes, in other times homosexuality has been accepted but it always, always ebbs back the other way. Its not an indication of evolution to be accepting; its an indication of something else. It never lasts and never will. Gay pride is a fallacy that many fall into and it causes more problems for people than it solves.
Link to thisFinally, it is letting me type a submission! I have enjoyed the discussion on the word and applicability of same (Pride! to the sub-culture of ‘LGBTQ’).
I have been active in Gay RIghts and/or civil rights issues for many years. Shall we say 40, but you are not counting are you? In that time things have evolved from women stapping down their breasts so they could work and live as a man, or order to live with and love a woman, to boldly body-painted gays and lesbians in Pride! Parades! I suppose the conservative communities would consider that a de-evolution of sorts, but then they already consider GLBTQ’s to be aligned with abortion and pedophilia, so I am not too concerned about what they think or say. I am, however, concerned about what the ignorant do. I was in Montana/Wyoming when Matthew Shepherd was ‘crucified’ on a ranch fence and when the statue by ‘the Rev’ Fred Phelps wanted to be placed in the town of the young man’s residence. Oh isn’t that nice you might say, well NO, it wasn’t nice, the placard with it said, ‘the day Matthew Shepherd entered Hell’. This was quite a while ago for me, so I believe I have the notations correct, if I don’t have the absolutely correct wordage, I beg forgiveness as that is also what was printed in at least one of the area newspapers at the time.
Why should any of this even matter to me? Good question. I have lived on both sides of the divide. I was married and had a child. I then divorced a few years later…which I choose never to go through again! I then ‘CAME OUT’ (now if you want to examine a word/s, there is one/two to take into consideration). It was in the seventies, it was painful, scary and dangerous! Ignorance was abundant and the far right/s began to muster support. So many horrible things have happened in the name of ‘abominations and against God’s Will’. In many zealous religions, not just Christianity.
Link to thisAs far as your comments on religion are concerned, I guess, as a minister, who also came from a place of mind that you appear to be, it behooves me to say something. It is this: "There is no God" has never been imperically proven. "There is a God" has never been imperically proven. True, but I know this for sure: 1)I was declared dead, then was resurrected (brought back to life). During that time I experienced a definite psycho/spiritual phenomenon. 2) I was addicted to alcohol and something saved my essence/soul. 3) I am walking still, although I shouldn’t be, after prayers and healings. God is! Am I proud of being gay? No! I am now proud to be me!
Let me say that the English language is plainly "tricky" even the word gay..what does that imply? We are talking about genetics..a slight abnormality..or is it?? It may have always been…the use of certain pesticides on our food has caused multiple sex organs in frogs..what does it do to us?? The influx of DNA altering plasma from the sun or the galactic center..this may be an answer for the call from our living planet to stop humans from having children..of course the planet does not know what lengths humans will go to continue the destruction of her…
Link to thisThen we have the social end..or the physiological end …choice…really this is a non issue…a diversion from what is going on…what may that be??? well look up!! you see Timmy we are in TRANSITION..they have been engaged in full scale weather modification..which may be a guise for other space related issues..I can’t not be certain as they are TIGHT LIPPED..which speaks a thousand words…the main one is FEAR..so fear not ..reach out for the truth..thought is a powerful wave that can create change..WE DESERVE THE RIGHT TO THE TRUTH
It surprises me that the author requires such a definitive, epistimological explanation of what is clearly an emotional topic for the author. Instead of saying that gays , typically, disgust the author,he or she describes every reason as to why homosexuality is an unfavourable sexuality choice. I have to say that I have never felt as normal as I do now – after having had embraced my alternative sexuality for myself. However, it is my own and I refuse to explain or celebrate it with anyone else. I do, however, agree with the author that a communal pride – especially that of the gay community – is totally without substance, fake and desperate…that’s what you were saying right?
Link to thisIn response to kshipman – homosexuality is by no means a deformity or ‘abnormality’ as you call it. In fact, it is quite a gift – it allows us to appreciate and adore our fellow man or woman. for if you can be attracted by, and appreciative of, both sides of the gender line you can be released of any preconceived notion that there is any difference between the two. The quicker you appreciate that the better. There is no weakness in sexual preference! There is only confidence in exploring what turns you on. Good luck with that.
Link to thisI must say thought hat it is good to know that there are gays out there that believe that it is utterly inappropriate to celebrate a sexual preference. This is a personal choice, or whatever, that does not require explanation. The quicker we realize that, the sooner we will feel a part of society. And the quicker society will embrace us as an important part of the surrounding community, which we are.
Link to thisWhy do we feel it is necessary to explain our gayness? Why not just have the confidence to accept that this is the way it is? It would be so much easier on everyone. The more we try and force an issue into the world of people that really don’t feel an empathy for it (and why should they?) the more damage we cause. Just be yourself, properly and with boldness, authenticity and confidence, and you’ll be doing a service to humanity. There is no need to be a screaming queen in order to tell the world that you’ve done something difficult by admitting you’re gay – no one cares, quite rightly.
Link to thisI’ve always understood the origins of gay pride celebrations to be less about pride in being gay, and more about pride in being at all; pride in having endured one more year.
Things are infinitely better for gays and lesbians today. But 30+ years ago, making it another year–avoiding AIDS and homophobic violence–was (I’m told) a very real accomplishment.
In that sense, I think the definitions of ‘authentic pride’ are reasonably apropos.
Modern pride celebrations are a recognition of that. (Okay, they’re not. But they once were, and probably should be.)
Joe Jervis re-posts a blog entry on this topic every year. Highly-entertaining. Read it.
http://joemygod.blogspot.com/2005/07/watching-defectives.html
“They wish we were invisible. We’re not. Let’s dance.”
Full Disclosure: This is coming from someone who was born in ’83 (where exactly do I get off hypothesizing about the motives/intents of gay men in the 1970s?), and who skipped pride this year to go canoeing.
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